I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
