better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
