Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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