Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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