the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
