So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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