It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
