Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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