you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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