What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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