Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
