just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
