I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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