I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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