Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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