Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
