woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
