wrigley field is MILF paradise
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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