I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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