...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
