she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
