I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
