Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
