So drunk its hurt
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
