that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
