The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
