Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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