dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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