I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
