someone threw a dead crab at me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
