Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
