After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
