The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
