I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
