my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
