Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
