If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
