Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
