Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
