And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
