Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
