i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
