i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
