I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
