its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
