Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
