just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
