the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
