i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love you. Go after that dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
