i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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