HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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