"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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